Parents often believe it’s our role-indeed, our responsibility-to control our children. Often we truly believe we know what’s best for that other person. Most of us know an Aunt Martha who just loves to tell people how things should be. It’s human nature to try and direct things. How often do you advise people on what they should do? How frequently do others share their suggestions on what you should do? How often do we hear this in the media? Do this. Take a day and pay attention to the idea of control as it relates to yourself and those around you. Why? Because he physically has control over his own body, his own actions, and his own thoughts. Who’s going to win in the end? We may win a battle, or we may think we’ve won a battle, but our child will have the ultimate control over his behavior. And he becomes just as determined to keep that control. We continue to act in an effort to gain control over our child’s behavior. It’s not something we recognize consciously, but underneath our own actions is the belief that to let go of control is to give in to our child. Sometimes we find ourselves in a dispute with our child and, before we know it, we’re in a full-blown battle of wills. It’s as if the child needs to be in control and out-of-control at the same time. The child does not want to be controlled by others, but, at the same time, the child does not appear to have any control over his own choices, impulses, and behaviors. To the parent, the child’s resistance doesn’t seem to make sense.

For this reason, your child or teenager will fight against any attempts made to control him by his parents, teachers, or any authority figure. It’s All About Controlįor a defiant child or a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), not being controlled by others is of paramount importance. The good news for parents of defiant kids is that you do have options, but you first need to understand the thought processes of a defiant child.

Parents who have not experienced this kind of defiance may immediately respond, “I’d make my kid go!”īut without using physical means, how would you do that? If a child outright refuses to comply, other than using physical force-which no parent wants to do or ever should do, for that matter-what options does a parent have? What can you do when your defiant child just absolutely refuses to get up and go to school? For many parents of defiant children, this is an every-day event.

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